A Work in Progress

As much as I wanted homeschool to go off without a hitch, it has been quite a learning process. It became more complicated when we went back to one car the day after I started. But, we are getting there. Today was a great day. It went like I was hoping everyday would go. I know it won't be like that every day but I feel like we are finding our rhythm. 

We saw this cool moth while walking around the neighborhood looking for shapes. 

And here are a few Halloween pictures. Horrible lighting, last minute snap shot, par for the course for me. 

Flower, punk rocker, swordsman, fairy, and two hulks. 

Fall

Fall is my favorite season. 

Edible math. 

Exchanging Time For Time

This morning, Mary and I sat on the couch talking about a quote I had written on the board.  "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important." You probably recognize it, from The Princess Diary.  She and her older brother and sister had participated in the annual primary program on Sunday.  She does not like getting up in front of people.  On Saturday, she was unable say her part during the practice.  That night she told me there were too many people looking at her.  I gently told her that there would be A LOT more people on Sunday.  I said she didn't have to do it, but that I knew she could and that it would be great.  Matt talked to her about things people do to help them when they speak in front of people.  Fast forward to the program.  Her class got up.  She was last.  She came up to the microphone, said her party strongly and clearly and moved on.  Amazing!!  I was so proud of her!

(Side note, Joe did an amazing job too.  He accompanied "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" and didn't make a single mistake.  Emily did great on her part too, and smiled a huge smile during each song.  Will took his shoes off and walked them up his Sunbeam teacher's shoulder.)

So, back to today.  We got to talk about how courage doesn't mean we're not afraid of things.  When we do something hard or scary because it's more important, that is courage.  It was wonderful to be able to sit with her.  When did we have this nice chat?  In the middle of the school day.  Last Monday, Mary and I started homeschool.

For the last several years, Matt and I have been talking about education.  This area isn't exactly known for its stellar schools.  We thought and prayed about homeschooling Joe, but it never felt right until now.  He starts middle school next year, and a couple of our other kids are very "untraditional" learners.  Last May, we finally decided that we were going to homeschool all of our kids.  With Kate coming this summer, however, we decided it would be best to start in the 2014-2015 school year because of the problems with post partum depression I've had with previous births.

We didn't tell the kids so that they would take advantage of this school year, but Mary's year wasn't going well.  After more than a month of trying to make it work and trying and trying and trying to meet with Mary's teacher (who missed at least two school days a week for the first month of school).  We decided to just keep her home.  This decision took a lot of courage for me (and prayer of course).  Knowing it was right didn't remove all of my worries.  What if she hated it?  She will probably miss her friends.  What if we have conflict?  What if I really am not qualified?  What if my depression gets worse with the added stress?

It has been wonderful!  And hard.  And terrifying.  A lot of those fears have been realized, but I'm so grateful for great friends to encourage me and give great examples of what homeschool could really be like.  I'm learning day by day.  Everything with Mary has been so much better.  For example, our time on the couch.  One of the things I hate the most about public school is how little time I have to spend with my kids.  I feel like during the school year the few fleeting hours I have with them are spent trying to get them to do stuff and then shooing them off to bed.  There's so little time to just sit quietly and be together.  Now I have time.  And absolutely no time.  I am so much busier than I was two weeks ago.  I have to use all of my time so much more wisely and I'm still figuring out how to juggle everything.  But, I have time with her.  It is so worth it!  I will gladly give my time for hers.  And ours.  I can't wait until next year when everyone is home together.  It will be nuts, but wonderful.

Dinosaur Exhibit

Or better known as Will's utopia

Conference Weekend

We love conference!  

We moved our family Olympic Games to the park this year. Our family is getting bigger and older. We had a 50 yard dash, 1/4 mile run, an obstacle course and a running long jump. 

My favorite part of our conference tradition is when we all snuggle up together after a morning of running around outside and listen to the wonderful messages that always seem to be just for me. Happy conference weekend everyone!

Confessions of a Pinterest Hater

This morning, I met an older woman while I was shopping with Kate.  Of course Kate served as an ice breaker.  The woman said that boys were so much easier than girls then asked if I had any boys.  I said I had three.  She then asked if I had any other girls.  Predictably, my response caused eye bulging and a gasp of shock.  "You have five?" 
"No, six.  Three girls and three boys." 
"What do you do with all those kids?" 
I almost responded some silly response, but instead said, "We have fun.  It really is so much fun."  And that is true (when I let it be). 
My response took her aback a bit, but then she responded, with a hint of melancholy, "I had two.  A girl and a boy, but I'm not cut out to be a mother. I only had two because I wasn't cut out for it...But, I love my cats.  I'm good with cats."

I don't know what her story is.  It doesn't sound like it was a very happy one, but I wondered what had happened to make her think that she wasn't "cut out" for motherhood.  I've been thinking about that a lot lately.  I think maybe all of us don't feel "cut out" for motherhood.  I definitely feel that way sometimes.  Life gets overwhelming.  My house is chaotic, my kids have struggles that I don't feel equipped to handle appropriately, I don't even make a dent in the list of things I'm supposed to be doing every day.  And sometimes I am not a very nice person. 

What does all of this have to do with Pinterest?  Well, I hate Pinterest.  There.  I've said it.  It actually totally stresses me out.  People are so crafty and organized and trendy and...all the things that I am not but wish I were. 

But, I recently had an epiphany.  It is totally okay for me to not know five hundred and thirty-seven things to do with an old tube of toothpaste.  I do not find joy in doing those things.  I can do them (if someone else gives me the idea).  I admire others who do them.  But, crafts do not fill my bucket.  They leave me feeling more stressed than when I started.  I'm not "cut out" to be uber crafty mom.  I'm not "cut out" to be super put together mom like my sister-in-law Jeni, or super exciting mom like my friend Dani. 

That's ok. 

I'm ok. 

I believe that I am "cut out" to be a mom.  In fact, that's exactly what I am "cut out" for.  I am a woman and I am trying.  That needs to be enough.  I am my own kind of mom (which is hopefully not code for super crappy mom) with my own strengths and my own unique things that fill my bucket.  I wonder if more women would think they were cut out to be moms if they didn't worry about expectations but just tried their best to be their best selves and just love their kids.  Maybe I'll try following that advice tomorrow.