Cataloguing the Chaos

AKA Life Under Construction


When I started blogging three and a half years ago, I chose to name my new blog "Cataloguing the Chaos." I thought it was catchy. I thought it sounded interesting. And it definitely described my life and my last ditch effort to try to make sense of all the madness.
Well, here I am again, desperate for some order in all the craziness that is my life. I feel like I am racing down the pavement unable to stop running or I'll hit the ground hard. I simply can't keep up the pace. I realized it's not where or how fast I'm running, but HOW. I am in need of a massive overhaul.

So, this year, I am truly going to catalogue the chaos. I need to take stock. I need to see what the nuts and bolts of my life really are, and what I think they should be. I'm taking my life through a systematic, thorough transformation and I would like you to come with me.

My motto will be
Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

First: I am going to put my physical house in order. Each month I am going to choose one living area and turn it inside out. We're talking spring cleaning on steroids! I have all this stuff that I don't look at or use or need or use properly. I will make it do in some form, or it is gone.

Second: I'm going to redecorate (and I use the "re" very loosely as I haven't had a coherent decorating scheme, like, ever). My room makeovers will be done almost exclusively from things I already have. It's about time I started using that creativity that I nurtured all growing up.

Third: And most importantly, I'm going to remake my processes. A clean and orderly and attractive home will go a long way to help the peace in my life, but if I don't change the way I am attacking my life, things will continue to feel out of control. I need to run smarter not harder.

This blog space will still be a place for me to share random thoughts and to record the growth of my children, but it will also be my place to record my progress. I hope you enjoy taking this journey with me.

Happy New Year!

Ode to Ten Years

Dear Matt, I would rather be up all night cleaning up throw up with you than be wined and dined by anyone else. Thank you for a wonderful story so far and a long story yet to come. I love you! Happy tenth anniversary.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.

My oh my, Metai

I love my meitai. Love it! A HUGE shout out to Arianne for sending me a link for the pattern! It is the first carry that doesn't hurt my back. In fact, I can carry around my half-grown 20+lb chubber for an hour without my back showing the strain.
It was a life-saver when Ben had colic and I had four other children to take care of. I am now in phase two of its usefulness. Shopping trips in the last week or so have proved challenging as Ben is now too heavy for an infant seat, but can't yet sit up in the cart by himself. Well, I just strap on my meitai, and we are ready to go. My hands are free, Ben is cozy and happy, and life is good.
The sight has elicited several comments. Several have been the infamous, "You have your hands full!" I have started to get pleasure out of responding, "My other three are in school, so this feels like a break." and watching their eyes bug out of their heads. Growing up in Utah, I never thought five kids made a huge family. It's amazing how different things are here.
This morning, I went Target to gear up for "winter", Ben strapped in the meitai, Will in the cart when a woman said, "I was just admiring how handy that is and how well you're put together." I said thanks, and she said, "You're a brave woman." I came out with my little comment, and she said, "I have five too! No one could ever understand how easy it was having just one or two on an errand after that." I agreed and we chatted, exchanging ages of kids and she gave me words of encouragement (her youngest is now 10). I left the store realizing that, while the shocked reactions were amusing, what I craved was understanding. It was so great to talk to another mother-in-arms and have a natural understanding. Not an understanding of how hard our lives are, but how good. How blessed. How exciting. I ran into another mother of five at Walmart - through almost identical circumstances. She said that in religious terms, five represents "grace" and seven means "complete". I really liked that. I don't take it literally, but the symbolism of it for me, right now, was sort of nice. For one thing, I don't think I've ever needed grace as much as I do, now, with these five children. And, they are my saving grace in a way. I feel that my life is good. I feel complete.

Pajama Day

Today was Pajama Day at school. The excitement could hardly be contained this morning when I told the girls. They invented a little song that went, "Pajama Day. Pajama Day." over and over. Apparently they kept it up at school. This is what Emily told me when I was saying "good night."

"Today at recess we all got in a line. Mary and me were first and then Jada and then Miracle and the Shardae and then Jasmine. Can you imagine all those girls. A HUGE group of girls. Can you imagine all those voices and those brown skinned faces in a big group singing, 'Pajama Day. Pajama Day.' It was beautiful."

She later commented, "It was rockin me out."

Maybe I'm a Prude

Today Joe said that in PE, they watched a Beyonce video, and they are teaching the kids the dance. He said they are allowing kids to opt out if they want to. Is it just me, or is that completely inappropriate for elementary school? Love Beyonce, but she is a little...

Home News

I was doing some Christmas Shopping Online when Joe came down and sat next to me. He said, "I wish we had our own newspaper."

"Really?" I said. "Like one delivered to our house?"

He didn't respond, but a second later repeated, "I wish we had our own newspaper."

Just then, Emily threw some paper rolled up with a rubber band to Joe. Then she came out with a bag and a little hat and handed me a little "business card" that had "Emily Home News Reporter" written on it. Here is the newspaper they gave me.

(Emily's says: "Joe's magic")

The second edition just came out with coupons for pizza and Mary's funny show. I love days off from school!

My baby!

My baby turns nine today.

My adorable, sweet, precious boy is literally half grown.

I am amazed by him. Frustrated sometimes. Always humbled to be his mother.

I love his unique way of looking at the world. He can figure anything out - school related or life challenge - if he only has the formula.

He is a talker! Yes, that is understated. This picture is so...Joe. I love his stories. The ones he makes up, and the ones he tells me about his life. I love that he tells me things.

He is Will's hero, and I can't think of a better boy for Will to look up to. He is such a caring older brother.

I love his thirst for knowledge. I also love his dedication. Once he has decided to pursue a course of action or decided that someone is his friend, they are locked in permanently. He is the most loyal person I think I have ever known.

At the primary program two years ago, a member of the ward came up and said that he was so impressed with Joe. He said Joe didn't even need to open his mouth, that he just seemed special. He said, "How blessed you are to have someone like that in your life." I so agree. Sometimes I lose sight of that in the day to day of having to teach and discipline, but every day he does something to amaze me.

I love you, Joe! Happy Birthday!

Blast From the Past

"What? I'm not doing anything."

My Little Astronomer

Joe loves space. Really. He's been interested in it for over a year now and says he really wants to be an astronomer (and a musician and inventor). Last summer, Joe did a research project on the new Webb Telescope that is supposed to be launched in the next year or two. He learned all about how telescopes work and what astronomers do. He knows the life cycle of a star and the different theories on how the universe was created, whether it is expanding, and what lies beyond it. We have had some interesting discussions about what we know through modern revelation, and what scientists have reasoned out. He is a smart kid and so well grounded. I really wanted to get him his own telescope for his birthday. They are pricey, but we decided he was ready for that investment. My mom and dad chipped in and we got him a great gift. I think I was about as excited as he was. We couldn't wait for his actually birthday, so we had him open it at his birthday party yesterday.

Last night, he said, "Mom, now I feel like a real astronomer. I've been reading all about these scientists, but now I feel like I can actually DO it and be a real astronomer."

Now if we could get the darn thing set up correctly!

4 month check up

I took Ben to the doctor last week. He was technically 4 months and 3 weeks, so the stats might be slightly skewed. But, he was 20 lbs 9 oz - which means he gained back the weight he lost when he was sick a few weeks ago. Yay! And he's 28 inches long. He's got a little head like the rest of my kids.

I asked the doctor about the dairy product thing (I can't eat any dairy products - though I cheat on the butter - or Ben spits up like a maniac and has horrible diaper rash and gas). He said that since Ben hasn't had hives, a test would probably come up negative, their more accurate after a year. But, he said to just keep doing whatever I'm doing because it is clearly working. He said to maybe try to reintroduce dairy and/or chocolate in a couple months and see what happens. I so appreciated that he said to go with my instincts and with what I think. Last appointment he wasn't quite as supportive, but better late than never! I keep telling myself it is a coincidence, and so I have chocolate or milk products, but every time...ugh. I guess I'm just glad I DO know what it is and that I have a much happier baby now that doesn't cry for hours and hours every day.

Hot Chocolate Cake

I was asking Joe the other day what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday party. He said wistfully, "I wish you could have a cake that tasted like hot chocolate." I said we could try it. Here is what I came up with. It was a spin off of the oh so popular Turtle Cake or Better Than Just About Anything Cake. I made the batter for a chocolate fudge cake mix cake, and added 7 oz of Hersheys chocolate melted with 2 tbsp of butter. I baked that per the box instructions (lining the cake pan with parchment paper because he wanted a tree shaped cake so I inverted the cake and cut it into the tree shape). When it was out and cut, I poked holes into the cake. Then I melted 3.5 oz of hersheys chocolate with about 3/4 cup of sweetened condensed milk (to amp up the chocolateyness from the original turtle cake) and drizzled the mixture over the cake. For the marshmallows, I just frosted it with cool whip. I thought about doing something else to be more marshmallowy, but nothing else sounded very good. It turned out very nice. And Joe thought it tasted like hot chocolate, so, success! PS I didn't get pictures. We got a video of the birthday song, but it is too big a file to upload. So, just use your imagination.

Little Boys

I LOVED having my two little girls home and having it be girl power while Joe was at school every day. It is so strange to move to a different phase. I am now in boy land. Will is full fledged two and keeping me on my toes. I fear it is just a shadow of what lies ahead when the little caboose is mobile. Quite different from what I'm used to, but I so look forward to it. Here is a video of my cute Ben Ben. It's not much, but gives the grandma's an idea of what he sounds like these days.

PS Will found a binky. He was pleased with his contraband. I think we are going to have to have him throw them away and make a clean break. He is WAY too old.

Snapshot

Out at a store. With all the kids after a long day. After getting little sleep. All the ingredients for a disaster. That was me the other day. Man I hate airing my crazy out in public! The kids were running around the cart - and sometimes down the isles. I was constantly shushing and sternly calling them over to the cart. The baby was crying. The younger ones were whining about being hungry. And I shot a dirty look at the woman who cut in line. I immediately felt bad, but I know everyone thought I was a crazy person. I just wanted to tell everyone how my day had gone and how I got to this moment. "I'm not really so impatient!" I plead. "That was the five thousandth time today I told him to stop taking his shoes off." "I spent a half hour on her hair, but she took it out, then tore out the two minute ponytail I put in after school. And I swear their clothes were clean twenty minutes ago." "This child was up all night with nightmares, and so was I. We are really not at our best right now."

But, all the unfortunate other shoppers get is a snapshot. Just one glimpse of this crazy woman with all these out of control children. Snapshots are interesting, but they can never tell the whole story. That thought gave me pause. How often do I look at the snapshot of others and fill in the rest with replications of the stilled image? The older I get and the more of life I see, the more I realize how amazing people are, and how much slack they deserve. Things are rarely as black and white as they first appear. Even people I have known for years. What years have those been? Have they been their easy coasting years or the years that they will always look back on as the blackest of their lives? I hope that my actions will be a bright spot and not cause for even more discomfort or pain. I hope that their snapshot of me will be a positive one.