The 5% Hijack

A few months ago, I felt like I needed to get my life back on track. I sat down and seriously evaluated everything and what came out of that were some great goals that I was really happy about. I've posted a few of them here, and the rest were more personal. After I firmed up what I wanted to accomplish and what direction I wanted to move in, I shared my goals with Matt.

He responded, "Those look great, but what are you going to do on the days when the car breaks down or one of the kids gets sick?"

I was a little offended and felt defensive. "I've made these goals so that on 95% of the days I'll be able to stick with them. Of course there will be the random 5% of days that I'll have to drop everything. That always happens."

He said, "I know, but I just wondered what your plan was on those days."

I realized what he was saying. I don't do things by half measure. I jump into things with both feet, but I tend to abandon plans in the same fashion (he didn't imply this quitting tendency by the way, that's coming from me). I'm all in until things fall apart, then I'm all out. We live in reality and in reality, things go wrong and sometimes our trains jump the tracks. But, what do we do when that happense?

I think my hardest challenge with goals is that I want to execute them perfectly. When I'm not perfect in the goal I feel like there's no point continuing. I've already failed. My problem is I'm defining success incorrectly.

So, last month, my goals big and small were completely hijacked by that 5% of days that I didn't account for in my planning of my goals. A month of 5%. That's huge. That's recalculating the percentage huge. But, I am hereby recommitting. I can't make up for "lost" time, but I can start fresh now. Any goal worth doing shouldn't be confined by a too-narrow time line. Deadlines are good, but so is flexibility and cutting ourselves some slack. Beating ourselves up over not meeting our expectations with absolutely perfection is not extremely helpful or productive. So, February was a waste as far as my organization process goes. Here's to finish my main room in March!

Once There Was a Snowman

It finally snowed last week! I was so excited. The kids were too. I just love that moment when the flakes start really flying and you know that it really is snowing. This storm was only supposed to dump 1-3 inches, so when the kids asked if they could build a snowman the next day, I said probably not.

I stand corrected. I have no idea where they found all of the snow. I guess Dad is just magic. Seeing the joyful faces of my children when they came inside from playing in the snow, I would say he definitely is.

Try, try, tri

In September, I'm doing a sprint triathalon with Matt. I'm really excited for the competition and for the training. It feels so great to have pushed your body to the limit and walk away (or limp away) stronger. I can't wait for that.
I have fallen in love with running over the last several years, so running a 5k will be fine (except that it will be the last leg of the tri). The bike is a bike ride. I'm not going to be competitive, so I'm not super worried about that. Although, I did take an intro spinning class yesterday that kicked my trash...and my knees.
The swimming is another story. My parents taught me how to swim when I was a kid and I LOVED the pool, as most kids do. But, I am really out of shape, and I haven't actually swam in decades, so this is an area where I will need a lot of work. Today was my first real swimming work out. I had this picture in my mind of diving into the pool with perfect form and gracefully gliding through the water, a little slowly perhaps, but not horrible. Reality was a little less "olympic swimmer" and a lot more "drowning victim". But I made it. It was my first attempt. It will get better. And I went about 250 meters - half of the swimming section of the sprint tri. Oh the toll babies take on our bodies. Good thing they're so darn cute and so darn worth it!

Smile

I love the first time a baby starts babbling again after they have been really sick. Ben has been very sick for more than two weeks, but today he is babbling. I even got him to laugh. I didn't realize how long it had been until he started babbling again.

In the last three weeks we've had a dozen fevers, seven colds, two cases of bronchitis, one case of bronchiolitis, six prescriptions, five trips to the doctor, nearly two dozen sleepless nights, lots and lots of water for the steam shower, more than a dozen rounds on the nebulizer and three narrow escapes from being admitted to the hospital (twice Ben's blood oxygen levels were below 90 and then for dehydration - he went three days with less than two wet diapers per day), two bottles of children's ibuprofen, one bottle of children's tylenol, seven boxes of tissues and four rollss of toilet paper for runny noses, five ear infections, lots and lots of Phineas and Ferb, and if there's been anything else, my mind is so fried that I can't remember.

I saw a some things that I hope to never see again (like the way a babies lips look when they start to turn blue due to the steady depletion of oxygen in their blood, or "brick dust" urine in a diaper from sever dehydration). He lost more than 20% of his body weight and there were two or three days when we, in a frabtic attempt to get him hydrated, squirted pedialyte into his mouth with a syringe because he was eating absolutely nothing and not nursing an ounce. We were up with him round the clock partly because he wasn't sleeping well and partly because I was terrified that his breathing might get worse in the middle of the night and I wouldn't hear it. I am so grateful that we got a nebulizer when he had bronchiolitis three months ago. It saved us!

So, after all of that, I am finding joy in Ben's smile today.

"My candle burns at both ends...

it will not last the night; but ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - it gives a lovely light!"
-Edna St. Vincent


Yup. That just about sums it up right now.