#8 So Far So Good

I am expecting again. Between my miscarriage in August and finding out about this pregnancy at 4 weeks and a day (I usually "find out" around seven weeks) I feel like I have been pregnant forever! Add to that the worst morning sickness of my life made worse by bread and pasta and simple sugars and CHOCOLATE and most fruits and vegetables and milk and cheese and almost everything else out there, and this has been a long December (and there's reason to believe maybe next year will be better than the last...)Sorry. Music flash back. Anyway. Finally, I am in the second trimester. Yay!

Does anyone else out there find it impossible to not let things fall apart when you're pregnant? I always feel like I'm keeping things together pretty well, then I have moments of clarity when I look around and see that everything is in complete shambles. Thank goodness Matt's there to pick up the pieces.

We are tentatively excited for this new little one. Even though I'm done with the "trouble period" and I've heard the heart beat three or four times (I'm somewhat high risk now because of the three miscarriages so I feel like I have been living at the dr's) I'm a little gun shy. I haven't fully accepted the idea that I will have a sweet baby in mid-July.

I was talking to some friends a couple of weeks ago, and one of them said that she wished that people would talk about their miscarriages more. She had one a couple of years ago, and she felt so alone and isolated as if no one had ever gone through that before. As she has talked to more women since then, she's found that the opposite is actually true. More women than not have gone through it. I've been fairly open about my miscarriages, but not completely. I suppose it's hard to share something so acutely painful, but one of the things that helps ease our pain is the knowing look in another mother's eyes that says, "I know." What is it that keeps us from sharing our painful experiences with others?

Nine Years in Snap Shots

Remember how you lost my wedding band on our wedding day and they had to tear apart one of the chairs at the temple to find it?

Remember walking around the Olympics a couple of months after we got married and catching that free concert (and missing Dave Matthews because of bad instructions!!)?

Remember that horrible driving year and ALL those tickets?

Remember two months after we got married, we went snowboarding with Josh and Lisa and got sun-poisoning and our faces swelled up so much we were unrecognizable?

Remember the time we went away for our third anniversary and it snowed so much we had to park a few blocks away from the hotel and trudge through the snow with our suitcases?

Remember pulling up to Wendy's in your tux and my wedding dressed, stuffed into that little car and the looks they gave us at the drive up window before the reception?

Remember hours of Boggle and Scrabble (I miss Boggle - it was always a guaranteed win for me!)

Remember taking walks every evening when it was just you, me and Joe, and planning all the things we were going to do and dreaming about where we would end up "one day".

Remember spending our fifth anniversary driving from Utah to our new home across the country with two kids in tow and one on the way?

Remember that silly little town we drove through to find the biggest Superman statue in America?

Remember when we were visiting out here and looking for a place to live and we got lost that rainy night and ended up way out in the country and drove almost to Virginia?

Remember Joe's poor broken leg, and holding Emily while she struggled to breath with croup?

Remember the days each of our children were born? The timelessness of the moments, the love that was almost tangible?

I remember endless nights of morning sickness and pregnancy discomfort when you would get up with the other children even though you were exhausted too and had to go to work all day. Oh wait. That was last night!

I remember holding your hand in the hospital as I was waiting to go in for surgery and just being glad that even though nothing could help the situation, you were there, and I knew I could get through it.

I remember evenings of you having wrestling matches with kids, and hearing them squeal as you come in the door.

I remember sitting in the Celestial Room with you and over the years the more and more relieving it has been to be there and let the world just "be" for a moment.

I'm grateful for all the memories and the priceless gifts that have accompanied them. I love you! Happy Anniversary, Matt.

Christmas

Santa came to visit our house the Monday before Christmas. The kids were SOOO excited. We were getting ready to start family home evening when Mary said in a puzzled voice, "Santa is on our porch."

Thanks for coming to visit us Santa!

Christmas morning was awesome. The kids got "exactly what we wanted!" This Buzz Lightyear block set (gotten as a hand me down - Yay!!) was the only thing to tempt Will away from the candy. He is a chocolate fiend.

My favorite Christmas present was the six inches of snow we got. A white Christmas! None of us were in any shape to play in it, but it was so lovely to sit in the warm house in the comfortable Christmas afternoon glow and watch the snow falling down.

By Christmas evening, all of us sickies had devolved into lumps of mucus and menthol on the couches while Matt kept things running.

This Christmas, more than in the past, my favorite thing about Christmas was the quiet peace that penetrated everything. I'm so grateful that I was able to enjoy the day with the little people (and the big one) that are my life.

A Couple of Christmas Snap shots

Tonight, Emily was asking me what I was going to get for Christmas. I said I didn't know, and she said I was probably going to get lips. I asked her to clarify, and she said that I would get lips that were bright red and that I could just put on my current lips. She said that when I am wearing these lips it will make me have in a beautiful voice.

Earlier this afternoon, we were all talking about Christmas, and Joe started laughing when someone mentioned presents. Mary looked at him sternly and said, "You don't laugh about presents!" Then she wagged her finger at him.

Survival Mode

This has been a crazy week ago. Last Wednesday night, Will was throwing up all night. Then he got a fever on Thursday morning that didn't break until Sunday afternoon. I spent Thursday and Friday just sitting on the couch and holding him. Not a bad way to spend the hours! On Monday and Tuesday he started getting hoarse and he got a lacy rash on his trunk and behind his ears (roseola), and was just CRANKY. On Tuesday night, The cold or whatever it was hit Joe and I pretty hard and by Wednesday morning, we were out for the count. Mary was complaining that her stomach hurt, and Emily was just out of sorts. I could tell how sick everyone was because no one left the couch all day. There was absolutely no running around. Very weird. Luckily, my fever broke last night, and I am feeling much better! Now I just have the lung burning cough to deal with. Hurray for lemon honey tea! (Though I can't call it that when I give it to Joe or he freaks out).

On Tuesday night, Emily had a lucid night terror. W-E-I-R-D! I was conversing with her but she had no idea who I was. She kept asking where Mom was and pointing at the ceiling. I should have figured she'd have a night terror. She gets them when she's getting a bad cold almost without fail. She kept saying "I'm freaking out!" and "I just can't take it!" If she hadn't been so absolutely terrified, it would have been funny. I just laid by her and told her that mom would be there soon, hoping my voice would seep into her subconscious. Last night she was up again unable to breath. Matt sat with her in the steamy bathroom and tried to keep her from panicking. She went back to sleep for the rest of the night, thank goodness. Anyway. That's what we've been up to over the last week. Today Will is back to his old self. We've played catch with the bouncy ball and he has been helping me make tea and toast and whatever else. I'm so glad he's feeling better! Hopefully the rest of the kids aren't far behind.

A Wonderful Day

Last Saturday, Joe was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Sitting there with my husband and my son and thinking about my own baptism, one of the speakers mentioned that one day these boys would be baptizing their own sons, and the thought just struck me so powerfully. This is it. It really is. We are here to make promises with our Heavenly Father and endure to the end and help our children and others to make the same promises and reach the same place. Nothing else is more important than that.

I'm so proud of Joe.

It was not a good picture day, but Joe looks adorable.

Happy Birthday, Joe!

Yes, I am posting this late. We have had a wonderful weekend and I'm still reeling, but the kids are with grandma and grandpa watching a movie, so I thought I'd catch up a little. I was able to go to Joe's class on his birthday and participate in their birthday celebration. He walks around the sun holding a globe and they sing a song as he does it. After every year, I showed a picture and told a story about him from the year in his life. It was nice.

He was so excited to become a cub scout!! His first meeting was pack night this last Thursday. Thank you grandma and granddad for the uniform!!!
We started the day with creamed eggs on toast (of course! - Joe's favorite) and ended with pizza and a movie. He's such an amazing boy. I am so grateful to be his mother.

Birthday Party

Yesterday, Joe had a birthday party with friends. They were a houseful of super rambunctious kids and it was craziness for three hours, but Joe had a lot of fun.

An hour into the party we had a surprise. SNOW!!!!!! Of course everyone wanted to go out and enjoy the storm. That is one thing that I love here that is a result of the infrequent storms. Everyone gets so excited to go out in play in the amazing white stuff. Luckily we had winter stuff on hand to share gloves and hats with everyone.

Marveling at snow sticking perfectly on jackets.

And snow on tongues

Joe wanted a Looney Tunes party. All of the other plans panned out, but I did get the cake. I made half a Christmas tree cake and painted it orange, and put three cupcakes together to make the carrot top. Then we had Looney Tune character candles for the top. I think Joe was happy with it.

This was Joe's first friend party in a couple of years. It was so fun watching him interact with his friends. And the birthday week continues next week!!

Cameras, Curtains, and Christmas

We got our camera! Hooray! Unfortunately, a new camera doesn't mean brand new picture taking skills, but I'm working on it! Here are some of our Christmas decorations and the new curtains I just made. Yay for curtains!